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I have been friends for over two decades, who has faced and conquered numerous hardships, which I admire. Yet, she's often caught off guard by others. Her partner ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. Several of her friends disappeared at that point, because they seemed drawn to her husband. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in increased attention to be my friend, likely grasped better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several in her circle have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened unaware of why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each retired and are seeing each other more, yet I realize the part I play in our friendship is as the audience. I open topics of conversation and she changes them to things she cares about. Politically, she holds firm beliefs. I try to recommend factchecking and alternate views.

She has been arranging a vacation abroad I know well repeatedly even called home previously. I tried to provide personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She purely solely sought my agreement with her decisions. I've just come back from a month there she hopes to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away abruptly, yet I doubt she'll truly comprehend the effect of her actions on my confidence. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

You could cut and run, but it is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. But confrontation aiming for working things out takes courage and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. It should be based on facts and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell her how it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement about this. Emotions are valid, naturally. Finally is to question how you are both can shift the pattern between you."

Remember she too holds perspectives, meaning you must to remain ready to acknowledge it. A helpful technique involves stating her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably successful to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

Your friend could ignore everything, as some people have a self-protecting mindset: they have a story of their life they won't let go of since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might initially present like this and then think about what you've said. If a resolution isn't found a fix, it will give you closure knowing you were honest with her.